i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
