so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
