im six kinds of drunk right now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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