if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
