I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
