She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
