and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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