your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
