ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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