corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
