hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
