What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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