I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize