he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
