is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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