i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
