just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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