Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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