Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The air was thick with penises
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
