I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
