She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
