I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
