Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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