You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
