for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
do nipples grow back?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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