Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
