i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
