We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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