I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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