His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
