So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
