Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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