So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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