Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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