the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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