I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
