If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
