Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize