I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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