...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
