Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
