my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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