and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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