i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
