I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
