What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize