i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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