Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
