Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
vagina is talking i cant
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
