Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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