I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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