I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
