This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
