you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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