Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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