How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
