her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
