New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
