So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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