Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dicks are not precious.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
