I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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