Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
