Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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