You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
