Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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